winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
