If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
