It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
