i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
handjob tips. give me some.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
