so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
