Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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