I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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