Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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