I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
