I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
