why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
