only if we run a train.
done.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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