I just made out with a guy for $7.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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