both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
