She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
