Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
