dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
