Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
