My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
