Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
its liver damage thursday
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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