addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
