how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
