Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
