Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the condom got lost in my hair
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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