I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
