The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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