cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize