I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
