She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
