I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
