She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
