Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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