Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
