Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
