I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
