I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
