I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
