cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
