I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She said her name was "party"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
