Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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