I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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