But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
