When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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