I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
