Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
