How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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