i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
