That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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