Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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