mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
