i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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