He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
