the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
