I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
