Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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