Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i think i have herpe
just one?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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