She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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