i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
