walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
