TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
