you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
