I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
