sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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