Just fell off a train. Bad.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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