I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize