If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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