We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
