If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
