I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
