Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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