I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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